Interlude
One great thing about squash is that you can play it alone. You can hit parallel drives, crosses, boasts, drops, lobs and overheads, practically the full array of shots you need in a match, all on your own. I used to do that a lot in Kolej, to break the monotony of playing tennis, when hockey was not in season. Besides, it beats making small talk and horseplay that others indulge in.
It's sad that even in this virtual squash court, I am still alone. I know that some people pop into the gallery from time to time but hardly anybody gives a shout to announce their presence. I guess I am not free of the sense of vanity we are all inflicted with. I crave for some reaction to what I write, even negative ones, because that's better than being ignored. It shouldn't matter really. I am writing mainly for myself. In putting down my thoughts and beliefs here, I am re-affirming and clarifying them in my own mind. If somebody else finds them useful, great. Otherwise, it's ok.
I don't know. Maybe Jackson Browne can express how I am feeling better:
"Now I am sitting here wondering what to say
Afraid that all these words might scare you away
No one talks about their feelings anyway
Unless they dress them in dreams and laughter
I guess it's just too painful otherwise"
Good night folks!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletedear sir, don't worry, there are random people reading these interesting thoughts of yours, so keep it up. u may never know who's reading. p.s# my name is cheong, athirah's ex-collegemate :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by, Cheong. I am flattered that you find what I write interesting but are you sure your parents would approve you reading this stuff? Cos you see, the underlying theme of what I write is "What it means to be a conscious Muslim".
ReplyDeleteahhh..i dont see any harm in reading articles regarding these issues. i'm just using the resources available to hear, read, and understand something my peers would highly unlikely choose to discuss :)
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Good lad! In that case, checkout my other blog as well.
ReplyDeleteTo do justice to Jackson Browne's Late Show, here's the complete lyrics:
ReplyDeleteEveryone I've ever known has wished me well
Anyway that's how it seems, it's hard to tell
Maybe people only ask you how you're doing
'cause that's easier than letting on how little they could care
But when you know that you've got a real friend somewhere
Suddenly all the others are so much easier to bear
Now to see things clear it's hard enough I know
While you're waiting for reality to show
Without dreaming of the perfect love
And holding it so far above
That if you stumbled onto someone real, you'd never know
(you'd never know)
You could be with somebody who is lonely too
(sometimes it doesn't show)
He might be trying to get across to you
(words can be so slow)
When your own emptiness is all that's getting through
There comes a point when you're not sure why you're still talking
I passed that point long ago
(long ago)
Now I'm so tired of all this circling
And all these glimpses of the end
(you know it's useless to pretend)
That's all the voices say:
"you'll go right on circling
Until you've found some kind of friend"
�i saw you through the laughter and the noise
You were talking with the soldiers and the boys
While they scuffled for your weary smiles
I thought of all the empty miles
And the years that I've spent looking for your eyes
(looking for your eyes)
And now I'm sitting here wondering what to say
(that you might recognize)
Afraid that all these words might scare you away
(and break through the disguise)
No one ever talks about their feelings anyway
Without dressing them in dreams and laughter
I guess it's just too painful otherwise
Look--
It's like you're standing in the window
Of a house nobody lives in
And I'm sitting in a car across the way
(let's just say)
It's an early model chevrolet
(let's just say)
It's a warm and windy day
You go and pack your sorrow
The trash man comes tomorrow
Leave it at the curb and we'll just roll away